So what are you doing for New Year’s Eve? NerdDad and I are going to delight in the boring! I think we are just going to put the kids down at the normal time and just go to bed when ever;).

I went to a niece’s bridal shower this weekend! This is me and 1 of my other beautiful nieces, Stacey. I can’t believe that she was only about 6 when NerdDad and I got married!

When NerdDad and I got married 15 years ago I inherited a large passel of in-laws, nieces & nephews. It is funny, I remember my mom specifying that these where actually HIS nieces and nephews. Here we are 15 years later. I look at these people, even the ones that are now adults, as MY family.

We have been a part of each other’s lives for so long. We have laughed and, with some, we have cried. I have watched them grow up. I feel so protective of them! They are all just so near to my heart.

That is it, just emoting;).

I was out doing a little costume jewelry shopping when I was both convicted and heart broken all at the same time.

I popped into Icings this morning to replace a necklace that I love but being that it was only $12 and was over 4 years old, well how long can it be expected to last;). But they didn’t have it and I was perusing their clearance for more stuff I don’t need but I digress;). The sales associate and I were the only people in the store when a woman about 65ish walked in needing an earring back.

She makes the comment that she loves the stuff in the store but doesn’t have any where to wear it. She goes on to say that while her husband wouldn’t dislike it he just doesn’t care and the only other place she goes it to work.

Now for those who don’t know it, Icings is like Claire’s except for actually adults;). Lots of earrings, necklaces and hair stuff.

So I made the comment that she could always get a cute pair of earrings or hair clip to wear to work. She seemed so shocked at the statement. The sales associate concurred that she could totally pull off some flowered earrings (which she was looking at) with the outfit she was wearing. Then she came over to the clearance rack where I was looking and picked up a hair thing and said, “This, this is who I really am. But I can’t wear that.” When I asked why she said that maybe some day she would be able to wear something like that.

I almost cried. For her and for me. I wanted to grab her by her shoulders and (gently) shake her. I wanted to exclaim, “What are you waiting for? Today is the only day you have to be yourself!” Part of what upset me is that I saw myself in her. How many times have I not bought the outfit I love? Not due to money but that it wasn’t practical enough even though I loved it? But I could have worn it to church…How many times have I told myself that next year will be the year to be myself?

When I was pregnant everything, including dressing and habits, were put off until all the babies were born and no longer babies. Now they are 4, 6, 8, 10 and I still find myself saying, “Later”. I even found myself doing it socially to fit in with what were considered my peers.

I hid my geek, my girlie side and my heart to be what I thought others wanted. I urge us all no more! Lets be ourselves now! Not when the kids are grown or what ever the next stage of life is. Because as long as we live there will always be another stage to conquer. We will never have a stage without new challenges, responsibilities and joys. But imagine how much better those challenges, responsibilities and joys would be if we were no longer waiting to be ourselves?

Wow, my church has a special, patriotic service today and it was one of the worst of my life. Wow!

Don’t get me wrong. I am a patriotic girl. My stepfather raised me on John Philip Sousa’s marches and the magic of the military. And of course, what nerd doesn’t love fireworks? So what could have possibly had me in the bathroom sobbing 25 minutes into church service with the desire to never celebrate the 4th of July again?

Well, it started when there was an honor guard that came to present the colors. All I could see was their shoes. See the last time I saw an honor guard was at my father’s funeral this past December. I spent most of the graveside service staring at the shiny shoes of the young men who were the honor guard. All I could focus on was the fact that one of the young men’s shoes was scuffed.

This is what seemed to have been on my mind in the beginning of our church service today. It brought back the emotion of having just lost my father. Seeing him in his casket wearing his First Calvary hat that he was so proud of. He always spoke so proudly of the time he spent in the military. So by the time that video about people who served in the Armed Forces was over, I was a mess.

I miss my dad. I really miss him. It surprises me how much I miss a dad that was really only in 7 years.

I was prepared for a miserable Father’s Day, with both my Father in Law, my dad having passed, and with my being estranged from my mom and step dad. So I was prepared to be a little sad that day. But today? Not so much. I am not a mourner. I get sad and then move on. But today I mourned. And hopeful I will again enjoy the Fourth of July.

I am a fashion dud! I have always been a fashion dud.

That is an extra sad statement because I love the fashion shows and do a pretty decent job picking out things for my very skinny, petite and adorable best friend.

Now I am not the kind of fashion loser who wears the crazy colors and stuff. I am the opposite. I love classic looks with a new twist on them. But I see the great new styles that are even in plus sizes and I am too wimpy to try them. When I try the cute new styles I never feel that they look right on me due to my size. I am afraid to really try much new because I am sure that if I get attention it is because I am committing a major fashion don’t! I don’t want to be the fat girl trying to hard to wear clothes that are just all wrong!

So here I am at 35 (almost 36) with little style! I have never really developed a style (other than what I have found on the clearance rack;) that I really feel comfortable with. I like some pieces but I am not convinced that they look good enough to pay full price for. So I just chicken out and buy clearance pieces (which isn’t always a bad thing). But I want something that looks cool, classic and pulled together!!!

So I hope that I get picked for the Secret Style Suite at BlogHer11!! Come on M.O.M. Squad and help a girl out! I am a homeschooling, blogging, stay at home mom of 4, can you give a girl some style;)?